“There’s no way that I’m going to lose weight fast, no way.”

“I’m not a dieter,” she told me.

“I’ll eat what I want to eat and I won’t be a junkie.”

But now she’s back to her old eating habits and she’s doing it with a vengeance.

She is trying to lose 15 pounds. 

“It’s like I’ve been back to eating normal,” she said.

“There are certain things I eat, certain things that I’ve become addicted to.

I’ve learned that I should just go back to the normal diet, just like I did when I was a teenager.

It’s just like it used to be when I went to school.

It was all about fun.”

When you’ve been overweight for years, you know it’s not good.

And so you want to get back to where you were when you were young.

“It’s been a really hard journey, but I’m trying to find the right balance,” she says.

“Sometimes I want the sugar rush of junk food.

But when I’m in my 20s and 30s, I want something that’s more grounded and grounded in reality.”

I asked her how she got to the point where she could eat healthy without feeling unhealthy.

“When I was in my teens, my weight was so high that I would have been diagnosed with a lot of things,” she explained.

“But I had so many friends that were overweight that I was able to stay healthy because I was not worried about it.”

I asked her if she could ever be in the same situation again.

“Absolutely,” she answered.

“You’re going to get through it, no matter how many times you look in the mirror.

But if you’re not eating healthy and not being healthy, then you’re going be living the same life you were living when you came into the world.”

When I asked what her biggest fear is right now, she gave me an answer that I thought was pretty terrifying: “My mom.” 

“I’m trying really hard not to be a mom, to be around kids that are overweight and have the same kind of issues that I have,” she continues.

“My biggest fear right now is that my mom might not see me when I do.

I’m a young kid, and I’m very lucky to have a wonderful life, and to have all these amazing friends, but the moment I go home and look at my mom, she’s not my mom.

She’s not a parent, she is a surrogate.”

“When I talk to my mom and my sisters, I always have these two questions on my mind: ‘Do you love me?

Is it okay to talk to me about it?'”

“But at the same time, I feel like I can’t control what my mom is going to say, so I’m just going to keep talking to her, which she is doing really well,” she continued.

“If I want her to say something, I have to make sure that I don’t just ignore it, because then I’m probably going to have some negative consequences for my own life.

But I’m not like that.

I really feel like if I just stay quiet and let my mom talk, then it will just get to her point.

And I just hope that I get my mother to listen to me and listen to the issues that she’s having, and then I’ll have a better chance to be happy.”

It was a lot to take in for the first time, but for someone who has struggled with weight all her life, it was a really helpful reminder of what the future holds. 

So, what is your goal right now?

“I want to be able to walk the street and not be scared of people,” she shared.

“Being fat isn’t scary.

Being fat isn- it’s a part of life.

I don, like, want to feel like that I need to do something to fix myself.

That it’s something that I can do.”

Follow Rachael Rettner on Twitter.